


unknown lover

by InWayTooManyFandoms



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Birthday Party, Childhood Friends, Fluff, House Party, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-11-27 10:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18193328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InWayTooManyFandoms/pseuds/InWayTooManyFandoms
Summary: minhyuk and kihyun's memory reel of the times they shared. starring how kihyun didn't see the signs of love, until it was too late. ft minhyuk's regret for not telling his crush that he was devastingly in love with him sooner.....prompt: an angsty au where the main character reflects on their current, past or future reationshipsong: halsey - sorry





	unknown lover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Turatas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turatas/gifts).



> to turatas ♡
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this!!

Kihyun sat down on his bed, shoulders slumping as he sighed. Resting his head on his hands, he racked his brain for answers.

 

The evening sunlight filtered through the blinds, casting a glow on the bedroom door. The window slightly ajar, warm summer air breezing through.

 

Kihyun sighed again.

 

He brushed his fingers through his hair, long bangs falling back onto his face.

 

_silver hair, huh_

 

He never thought someone could fall for him. Fall in love with him.

 

He was told that he was too snarky, too much of a perfectionist. That was he was told. The standards weren't even that high, and he couldn't meet them.

 

And worst of all he broke his best friend's heart.

 

"I'm sorry for arguing. I tore you open with my words."

 

His phone is still in his hand. Held tightly between his fingers.

 

He unlocks his phone and absent mindedly clicks through his applications. Kihyun is distracted. Nothing seems to hold his attention. Eventually he clicks on the phone log, looking at the list of missed calls from Minhyuk. He should call back. He needs to call back. It's been days now.

 

But he knows if he does Minhyuk could get hurt twice as much.

 

The hundreds of miles that separated them was for the greater good.

 

"I didn't mean to try you on", he whispers into the room. A tear rolls down his cheek. "I'm sorry."

 

 _I still know your birthday. How it falls 19 days before mine. You never let that go._ he chuckles _. Your smile when I baked you a whale cake when we were drunk on sugar_

 

_I remember when we were kids. How you first said hi to me. Your eyes would light up brighter than the sun. And everyday after school we would go back to yours to play video games. When I'd stay over and your mum would sing us her favourite song_

 

Nostalgia flits through Kihyun's memory. Dipping into bittersweet memories.

 

_Maybe,_

 

_maybe_

 

_I will call._

 

_I would do anything to go back to you._

  
……

 

**[15 years ago]**

 

The Lee family recently moved into a new house in Anyang. It was mostly for the parent's business prospects and it was the perfect timing for their son, who had just finished the school year.

 

After a couple days of moving furniture out of boxes, and boxes out of more boxes, they found themselves to be settling in quite well.

 

"Minhyukkie, do you want to go see our new neighbours?"

 

"Yes mummy!"

 

She chuckled fondly, "okay! Shoes on then".

 

"Have we got the cakes? The cakes we made yesterday?" he babbled. “Let me go get them really quickly!”

 

Minhyuk ran to the kitchen to get the box, returning proudly like a prince that saved a princess.

 

"Let's go!"

 

It wasn’t very far to walk to their neighbours. They were next door to them after all.

 

“Are you ready?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Here we go!”

 

Minhyuk's mum pressed the doorbell, then knocked twice out of habit.

 

The door opened.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hello, we’ve just moved in next door. We are just popping by to say hello and if you like these cupcakes.”

 

“Oh! Yes, thank you.” The woman bowed. “Would you like to come in?”

 

“No no, we wouldn’t want to intrude-” Mrs. Lee began to answer.

 

“I insist, come come.” She interjected, warmly gesturing for them to come inside.

 

She smiled. “Thank you”

 

The Lees walked into their neighbour's house, taking off their shoes and stopping in what they thought was the living room.

 

The two women sat down on the sofa opposite the TV. They started talking about their daily lives and what they like to do in their spare time. At some point in the conversation, they spoke about their children and schools.

 

“I have two boys, one's going to be 11 and the other will be 7 this November.”

 

Minhyuk's voice popped out of nowhere. “Me too!”

 

“Oh really! You’d get along quite well, I can call him down for you”

 

Minhyuk nodded and smiled back. He got up from the rug and sat on a dining chair just across the room. His hands were snug underneath his thighs, while he swung his legs back and forth.

 

As soon as the other boy came down, Minhyuk rushed off of his chair towards him. "Hi! I'm Minhyuk! What's your name?"

 

The other boy looked at him curiously, before turning back up at his mum as if waiting for confirmation that this was okay. She ruffled his hair as to say yes, before rejoining Mrs. Lee on the sofa.

 

 _why does his smile look like the sun,_ the boy thought to himself

 

"Me and mummy baked you some cupcakes! They're in your kitchen now I think! Do you want to have one? They taste really nice!"

 

"Uhhh", his eyes flitted across the room.

 

"So what's your name?"

 

"I'm Kihyun"

 

Minhyuk blinked twice, before taking Kihyun's hand and running.

 

"Nice to meet you Kihyun!"

 

His eyes turned into crescents again as he pulled his new friend to the cupcakes.

 

Minhyuk and Kihyun, they were only next door neighbours, but fate had more in store for them.

 

……

 

"Morning, class. Roll call, please answer when your name is called"

 

"Yoongi"

 

"Yes", came a voice to his right.

 

"Jessica"

 

"Here"

 

Kihyun sat in the desk next to the window. He stared out into the courtyard.

 

_I can't wait till it is break time. then I can show Hyungwon who is really the best at races_

 

Hyungwon was one of Kihyun's closest friends at school. Most of the time their classmates and even teachers were surprised to see the pair together. Their personalities contrasted heavily, so much so that they were referred to as the Tom and Jerry pair.

 

"Kihyun"

 

Hearing his name being called, he called out a quick "yes" before continuing his daydream.

 

He was still in deep thought about his friend and tuned out the rest of the register.

 

"Okay class. As you may have noticed, we have a new student with us today. He's recently moved in, I hope you all treat him well."

 

There was a static pause as the class waited for their teacher to continue.

 

"Lee Minhyuk, please come to the front and introduce yourself."

 

_lee minhyuk? wait wasn't minhyuk his neighbour? they went to the same school? since when?_

 

He sharply turned his head towards the boy walking to the front of the class.

 

_oh_

 

"H- Hello." He bowed deeply before clearing his throat. "I'm Lee Minhyuk, but you can call me Minnie. I hope we can all be friendly."

 

The class clapped for him. Feeling pressured, Minhyuk displayed some aegyo which caused some giggles to erupt around the class.

 

Minhyuk shyly waved to Kihyun on his way back to his desk. Leaving Kihyun dumbfounded, but at the time he wasn't sure why.

 

As soon as the two hours of class end, Kihyun rushes to Minhyuk's desk.

 

"Min? You go to this school? Why didn't you tell me? I was so shocked."

 

"Ahaha, hi Kihyunnie"

 

That earned him a slap on the arm, "hey, what did I say about that nickname?"

 

Minhyuk poked at Kihyun's cheek, causing Kihyun's pout to turn into horror.

 

"Ya!"

 

"I'm just teasingg." He quipped. "I didn't know I would be coming here till my parents told me last week. And I was looking forward to your surprised face! It was so worth it!"

 

"That's mean."

 

"Your face was so funny" Minhyuk giggled.

 

"Hey!"

 

The pair squabbled for a little longer before being interrupted by someone walking in. They froze.

 

"Yoo Kihyun", came a deep voice. "Mind telling me why you're spending so much time in the classroom today?"

 

"Wonnie, you scared me. I thought you were the teacher."

 

"Wonnie?"

 

"Ah, Minhyuk this is Hyungwon. Hyungwon this is Minhyuk."

 

"Nice to meet you"

 

"You too." Hyungwon replied. "So we still racing, Ki?"

 

"You bet! Min do you want to join us?"

 

"Yeah sure. Let's go!"

 

Over the next few years of primary school they gelled together really well. Kihyun, Minhyuk and Hyungwon were inseparable. In that short span of time it feels like Minhyuk knows more people in the neighbourhood and at school than Kihyun, and Kihyun has lived there his entire life.

 

The three had sleepovers almost every week, it seemed to their parents that they were out of the house all of the time. Usually it was just Minhyuk inviting himself over to Kihyun's because he was bored and felt like it, they were next door to each other after all. Until one time, Kihyun decides to go round to Minhyuk's. Mainly, because his mother ushered him to do so.

 

"Your Minhyuk isn't feeling well. Go check up on him dear."

 

"Mummmm, I just finished my homework."

 

Kihyun whined a little about it. He was worried about his friend, but he wanted to relax tonight. Homework isn't the most entertaining activity that he just spent his free hours on.

 

After slogging around his room, and getting some pajamas on, he knocked on the Lee's door.

 

"Hello, here to see Minhyuk?"

 

Kihyun nodded.

 

"He's in his room. Let me know if you want anything to drink."

 

"Thank you"

 

Kihyun dashed up the stairs before pausing outside Minhyuk's room.

 

"Min? I'm coming in now. I hope you have clothes on this time."

 

He opened the door cautiously, but was met with a face full of pillow.

 

"I told you to remove that from your memory", Minhyuk croaked out.

 

"Sorryyyy, couldn't help it. And your voice sounds funny."

 

Even though Minhyuk was scowling, they both knew that he was really happy for the visit. Kihyun sat down at the edge of the bed, mildly intrigued by the dinosaur pattern. Minhyuk shuffled out of his covers a little, so that he was resting on the wall.

 

"It's okay, I'll look after you"

 

"That's so cringy."

 

"Don't act like I'm cringy. Have you seen yourself and Jooheon together?!" Kihyun stuck out his tongue.

 

"Joo isn't as embarrassing as you though"

 

"Say that again", he challenged.

 

"Jooheon isn't~ as~ embarrassing~ as~ you~~", he singsonged.

 

"If you like Jooheon that much, I'll leave." He rose from the bed to be swiftly pulled back down. Minhyuk's arms securely wrapped around his waist.

 

"Noooooooo. Don't leave me please. I take it back"

 

"Fine." He rolled his eyes playfully. "I guess."

 

Later on once Kihyun had shared the gossip about school, they were interrupted by a small grumble.

 

"You hungry?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"There's some snacks downstairs. I think they're on the table."

 

Kihyun snuck downstairs, to what he thought was sneaky, but in reality his footsteps were on the louder side. Minhyuk's mum pretends not to hear him come down the stairs and leaves a two cartons of chocolate milk out on the counter top along some cookies. Kihyun, like a spy, looks around the corner of the stairwell before darting into and out of the kitchen with food and drink.

 

He returns triumphantly into Minhyuk's room, holding the snacks like a trophy. Min cheers as loud as his throat allows him.

 

Minhyuk's mum comes up later to tell them to sleep. Kihyun spares a quick glance to the clock, it's 10pm.

 

"I usually sing Minhyuk songs before he sleeps. Is that okay with you?"

 

_that's why he likes to listen to music before he sleeps_

 

"Yep, that okay with me Mrs. Lee"

 

He lies down on the futon, soon joining his best friend to the land of dreams, while listening to his mum singing them to sleep.

 

…

 

**[6 years ago, July]**

 

Minhyuk dragged Kihyun through the obnoxiously decorated front door and the crowded corridor. It was dark in the house, illuminated by the small LEDs and street lights.

 

"Min! I'm going to fall!" The shorter shouted.

 

"I'll catch you. You'll be fine!" he shouted back.

 

It was one of their older friend's birthday party. But it also doubled up as a leaving party because they were going to university. Neither of them were quite sure whose party it was. Their invite was from a plus one of a plus one.

 

All Kihyun knew was the heat of the party added to the summer heat. The air was sticky and humid. And his nerves didn't really help. They were probably the youngest there, being only 16, surrounded by people years older than them.

 

As they neared the end of the corridor, they saw their senior, Hyunwoo, carry someone out of the house. Presumably to have a chat with them about the state they were in. Soyou laughed after them, running to catch up with Hyunwoo's large strides.

 

Kihyun politely nodded a hello to them before following his best friend again. Or rather, tried to, as Minhyuk was slowly disappearing into the crowd.

 

A few moments of intense panic later, he spotted Minhyuk chatting to the host. Well, he assumed was the host anyhow. He didn't know them. Minhyuk had a knack for making connections

 

_he sure knows a lot of people_

 

He spotted Hyungwon through the dense crowd of people. He was chatting with Changkyun on the far sofa; Kihyun made his way over quickly.

 

"What's up Won. Changkyun, why are you here?" he asked, eyeing up the younger.

 

"Well, Minhyuk invited me. So that's why I'm here." He took another swig of his drink.

 

"Hmm"

 

"Hi. Don't be hard on him Ki. I mean we shouldn't be here either."

 

"I guess"

 

"Do you want some of my drink? Promise it's not spiked."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Some fancy cocktail or the other. It's fruity. You'll like it."

 

"Just a little bit then."

 

He takes a quick sip. 

 

_huh, the taste isn't that bad_

 

And before he knows it, Kihyun is at the drinks table. He pours himself some of this fancy drink into a glorified red solo cup. Or is it his third cup? No, he had to have another cup to rinse out the taste of whatever was in that shot. Maybe fourth?

 

The dazzle of the disco ball and party lights make everything seem brighter, cooler. It doesn't do much for Kihyun's state though.

 

The hours begin to blur by. The faces too. Everything feels like it's spinning.

 

Kihyun vaguely remembers talking about music with Yoongi, and how the meaning of lyrics could be really deep. And bumping into Joonyeong, also his senior, to talk about the gym and how he didn't drink because he didn't need to to have fun. Maybe some others too, a lot has happened.

 

The next time Minhyuk and Kihyun meet each other, Kihyun is visibly more relaxed than when he came in.

 

"Hi there handsome." Kihyun slurs over at his best friend.

 

"Hahha, Kihyun don't tell me you're a lightweight."

 

"What's a light weight? Anyway." Kihyun throws a wink his way. "You wanna sit down?"

 

"Yep, I think we should."

 

Kihyun takes his hand and leads them both to a sofa in the corner of the room. Unfortunately, it was an armchair and the two of them wouldn't fit.

 

"Ki, let's chill on the floor."

 

"No, you can sit on my lap."

 

"Really?" Minhyuk lets out a bemused smile.

 

Kihyun nods before plopping down and pulling Min on top of him.

 

"See. I'm not a light weight. You're a light weight."

 

"Kiii, that's not what it means."

 

Minhyuk rearranged himself so that he was straddling the other, instead of crushing all four of their legs pretzel style.

 

They talk about how the night has been. Minhyuk filling Kihyun in about what he had seen: how Hyunwoo had to go home early because his friend had family over; and Chaeyong was dancing on the dining table.

 

_his eyes are glittering_

 

Kihyun holds Minhyuk's face inbetween his hands, both of them slightly spaced out at the action. A moment later Kihyun and Minhyuk end up making out. Minhyuk blames the way Kihyun becomes ten times hotter and smoother after a couple of drinks. And he likes to entertain, full of energy.

 

Minhyuk notes the gentleness of the kiss, it makes him want to melt into a puddle there and then.

 

As soon as the kiss ends, Minhyuk is suddenly aware of what's going on. It felt like the kiss of life. He's woken up from his drunken moment, and the thoughts come flooding in. He feels conflicted as to whether he should consider it a real kiss or blame it on the alcohol.

 

Minhyuk looks a little lost. He's about to ask why they just did that, but Kihyun is called for another shot and practically jumps out of the sofa to get to the table.

 

……

 

Finally, morning rolls around, the sunlight seeping through the blinds. The dim lighting is heavy on Minhyuk's body. He turns over, hugging the human mass on the other side of the bed. He soon falls back asleep, body tired from the night before.

 

Not 20 minutes later, he wakes again. This time to the sound of pots and pans clanging together.

 

"Mornin Ki"

 

"mmphf" comes the reply.

 

"How was your first house party?"

 

"Good."

 

"Your head?"

 

"Hurts"

 

Minhyuk smiles into the nape of his neck, "what about our kiss?"

 

There's a long pause before Kihyun replies. "You should forget it. Sorry."

 

"Okay."

 

Minhyuk nods solemnly, his mood downcast. He wants to discuss it more. But he doesn't. He settles on enjoying the moment instead. Not often can you hug your crush so closely.

 

There are too many unspoken words about that night.

 

……

 

**[2 years ago, November]**

 

***knock knock***

 

Kihyun rushes to open the door, tripping over his slippers as he does so. As the door flings open, he is attacked by a hug. A hug from his best friend.

 

"Kiiii, look at youu", Minhyuk coos. "You've grown so much."

 

"Aish, what are you on about. Stop treating me like an aunt."

 

Minhyuk pouted a little. "Anyway, happy belated birthday to me!"

 

"Happy birthday!!"

 

Kihyun broke away from their warm embrace, "come in, come in. You can leave your stuff in my room. It's the door on the right."

 

"Okayy."

 

Minhyuk and Kihyun are having their own joint birthday event, like they used to every year when they were kids, where it's just them two against the world. Now they're both 20 and living their lives. They didn't get to do this the previous year because they were both serious about their studies, busily revising for Christmas exams. They're still at different universities but with a lot of persuasion, Minhyuk went to visit Kihyun.

 

Minhyuk even tried to pull the 'hyung card', but Kihyun insisted that he would cook and the place would be tidy and ready for guests.

 

"So what do you want to do today, birthday boy?"

 

"Mmmm, let's watch a film? I don't feel like going back out anytime soon."

 

"Okay. I'll get us drinks and snacks. Make yourself comfortable-"

 

He turned around to see Min already tucking himself under the duvet covers.

 

"Nevermind."

 

Kihyun left the room. And Minhyuk was busy figuring out what the laptop password would be.

 

_hmm, maybe its imissminhyuk_

 

**Incorrect Password**

 

_iloveminhyuk3000_

 

**Incorrect Password**

 

"Min, what are you doing?"

 

"Why isn't your password being accepted?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"I've typed in 'i miss minhyuk' and it didn't work." He tries to hold onto his serious expression but it breaks when he sees Kihyun laughing.

 

Once they've settled down, Kihyun types in the real password and goes online to find a film.

 

"So there's this action movie I found the other day, and it looks really good."

 

"What's it called?"

 

With the film decided, the pair snuggled into the warmth of the bed. Though part way through Kihyun's head landed on Minhyuk's shoulder, he was sleepy and needed a headrest. That's what he told himself.

 

……

 

Kihyun rises early the next day. He shivers. The window was left open last night, the chilly air was coming into the room.

 

He rolls off the double bed, careful to not make any loud sounds. He shuts the window and successfully makes it to the corridor without waking his new roommate. Closing the door as quietly as he can, he pads over to the bathroom.

 

After using the toilet and brushing his teeth, his feet take him to the kitchen by default.

 

Kihyun stretches next to the countertop, contemplating whether he should wake the other up yet.

 

_i can wake him up for breakfast, but he probably wants the lie in_

 

_wait i can make him that cake_

 

 _do I have everything I need?_ he thinks to himself

 

Originally they were meant to bake a cake together, but Kihyun decided that it would be a nice surprise for the other to wake up to. He'd bought more ingredients than he actually needed, so they could always make cupcakes later.

 

And so, after putting on his apron, he starts collecting the ingredients he needs from the kitchen. He's finished the measurements and almost done with creaming the butter and sugar together. There's sugar on the counter, but Kihyun would say it wasn't him.

 

He is midway in sifting the flour when he's jolted out of his thoughts.

 

"I don't remember you always being this messy"

 

Wide eyes meet Minhyuk's.

 

"Morning Ki, what you making?"

 

"Morning, I didn't want to wake you earlier. I'm making a surprise."

 

"Can I help in the surprise?"

 

"No, it's okay. I got it under control."

 

"Really? You have flour in your hair."

 

He reaches up to dust his hair, and sure enough flour comes out.

 

"… And you had flour on your hand as well."

 

He lets out a little whine, "Minnn".

 

"It's a look though. You should try silver hair."

 

"Mhmm. Want anything to eat right now?"

 

"Nah, I'm good."

 

"Okay." And Kihyun goes back to sieving his flour.

 

Sensing that Kihyun will ignore him if he doesn't act soon, he rests his elbows on the counter. His chin in his hands, puppy dog eyes activated. He stays like this until Kihyun glances over.

 

"Fine, you can help."

 

Minhyuk let's out a little cheer. "So what do you need me to do?"

 

"First, put on an apron."

 

Baking goes well, as far as the recipe is concerned. They managed to get the cake mix into the oven. Although they got a little competitive about mixing techniques and started throwing flour at each other, the kitchen looks like its just been snowed on.

 

While the cake batter cooks, they work on the fondant icing.

 

"What are we cutting out of the icing?"

 

"I'm thinking we do the base white, with a blue whale on top."

 

"Oh."

 

"Do you not like it?"

 

"No no. I love it. Did you remember?"

 

"How could I forget your love for whales."

 

Minhyuk has butterflies in his stomach, his face beaming. "I'm touched."

 

Kihyun starts making 'uwu' sounds.

 

Minhyuk narrows his eyes at the cuteness. Offended almost.

 

"Uwuwu, Minhyuk feels 'touched'."

 

"Ya!"

 

Kihyun giggles at Minhyuk's attempt to swat his cuteness away.

 

The cooking session is interrupted by Hoseok, yellow gym bag slung over his shoulder.

 

"Hyun, you best clean up after. Hi Minhyuk."

 

"Yes mom."

 

"Hi Hoseok."

 

He opened the fridge door, that was currently covered in icing sugar. Rummaging for his drink.

 

"I'm just grabbing my shake then I'm off, you want anything from the shops?"

 

"Nope, we're good."

 

"Kay, bye Hyunnieeeeee", he said, ruffling some of the flour from his hair. "Look after him for me Minhyuk."

 

And with that he left the two to finish their baking detour, their laughter refilling the kitchen.

 

……

 

**[1 week ago]**

 

"I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."

 

"FINE. YOU WON'T."

 

The pair were hysterical, being held apart by mutual friends. It was the first time some of them saw this level of anger in one fight. Hoseok being one of them.

 

 _if they weren't restrained they wouldn't have faces left,_ Hyungwon grumbled

 

"Can you both calm down please."

 

"NO. HE'S THE SELFISH ONE."

 

"Wait. Hold up. Me?! I'M THE SELFISH ONE?. HUH." He rolled his eyes. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T LET ME GO."

 

"WHAT"

 

"I SAID WHAT I SAID."

 

"LET YOU GO? YOU'RE SO FULL OF YOURSELF."

 

"YEAH.,LET ME GO AND LIVE MY LIFE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. THERE. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?"

 

"I- I-"

 

"I'M GOING NOW. BYE. NOW LET GO OF ME."

 

He shook off the hands on him, stalking towards the exit.

 

The slam of the door wasn't deafening, it was the silence that followed.

 

……

 

**[present day]**

 

On the other side of the phone, Minhyuk thinks to himself. Thoughts seem to be consuming his mind.

 

He's cold, wrapped up in blankets, even though its a summer evening. He is wearing the same clothes from the weekend.

 

He runs a hand over his face, _why wont you pick up_

 

_maybe I should've told you that I loved you when i fell in love. I fell in love when we were 10? did i ruin everything by placing the burden on your shoulders? maybe I am the selfish one after all_

 

_but when i first saw u defend that girl who bought her teddy into school. you looked like a superhero. ready to rescue me_

 

_now we're apart. and a part of me doesn't want to let go_

 

_we can start again. i believe we can_

 

_i'll go to where you are. i'll find you and you'll find me again_

 

_we'll work out this time_

 

_we always have_

 

_we have to_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***bzz bzz***

 

Minhyuk's phone lights up. He's being called.

 

***bzz bzz***

 

He exhales shakily before picking up.

 

"Hello?"

**Author's Note:**

> please ignore the irregular cultural differences! i forgot how school works and kinda threw multiple systems together
> 
> i think there was more reflection than angst dkshdksk
> 
> thank you to Turatas for the prompts and to the admins for putting this together!


End file.
